Royal baby grows up

The future king of the United Kingdom is growing up and as his first birthday approaches we’ve got exclusive insight into his development.

Already he is developing from his early humble beginnings as a gurgling, vomiting, sleeping, nappy-filling machine into the supreme monarch who will rule over us all.

Most babies become self-aware at 18-months of age. The young prince is well ahead of this and already seems to have innate sense of his own self-importance.

Reports from inside the House of Windsor emphasise how smart the royal baby:

“He knows which flunky opens the doors, which fetches the bottle and who he can ride around the palace like they are a horse.

“He can also tell all his nannies apart. There’s one in particular, the booby-milk provider, who always makes him smile when she enters the room.”

The prince’s favourite toy is said to be a stuffed giraffe. Not a toy one, rather one provided by the Duke of Edinburgh after a successful hunting trip and stuffed by the royal taxidermist.

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